art of living

From Isaack the Spirit

2009-03-08T14:05:00.000-07:00

I am spirit!

I am just from church today. Ken, Son of pastor Kenny Foreman loves watching movies.. His sermons are full of multimedia. He had this one picture of Jesus on the cross from the Passion of the Christ. He was covered in blood. To say the least I would not even want to be the soilders that nailed his frail body to the cross. I mean, half of the skin had been stripped off this back, where do you hold him.

So it hit me, an epiphany. I am not my body. I am Spirit. Isaack is SPIRIT. I have a body that is incapable of decipline, I break all the promises that I make, ok not all but a large number, I do not follow upon comitments that I make, to myself and to others.

Reason, Isaack the Spirit is weak.

Solution. Isaack the Spirit has to grow, eat , exercise, flex Isaack Spirit muscle(aka Decision making muscle). I am way behind and if i do not start now, and work at it day and night Isaack the whole will be a failure.

I realised this after watching Jesus on the cross. I am modeled like my Father. Jesus came into this earth to prove that we could achieve rightousness. We cannot acheieve rightousness by our own strengh, by what the human body and mind can come up with, the Bible clearly states that. It is impossible, we were born into sin and sin will always be stronger than any will or decipline that we achieve. The only way that we can achieve rightousness is by growing the Spirit, the part of us that is of God like nature and constantly ensuring that it is so strong that it controls the human sinfull body.

So that is my Goal, It is a two pronged process.

1. Grow Isaack the Spirit, read the Bible, talk to my Father in heaven. Ensure that Isaack the Spirit has decipline, direction, knowledge, love, faith.

2. Use my Isaack the spirit to take care and maintain the body.

The human body is like a ship with extra sensitive short range alarm detection system with evasive systems. This systems warn me of danger and lead me to the easiest path along the direction which the ship is pointed. Unfortunately if the ship is not constantly pointed in the correct direction it just goes round and round in large circles and constantly hits dead ends.

It just goes to saying that the Spirit is the captain of the ship. My ship has a dying captain who has not contacted the ship owner for a very long time!!!!! I will do things that grow the 1) Spirit and 2) exercise control over the body. Isaack the Spirit will check back in 2 days(Tuesday at 10pm) see as assess the progress attained and realign to achieve the goals.

to get list

2008-02-06T15:19:00.000-08:00

i noticed that i am going through my toget list very fast. So i put in something there that will slow it down alittle bit.... a 52 foot Regal

Lets all start the healing process and preach love & unity

2008-02-02T20:36:00.000-08:00

i received this email yesterday. it is quite a read

From: Kenyan.Notifications@onditi-inc.com
Date: Wed, 30 Jan 2008 22:05:30 -0500
Subject: [Jambo] Lets all start the healing process and preach love & unity.... read along

Dear Friends,

As Kenya goes through a transition and change phase, we suddenly find ourselves at a crossroad . I have experienced all forms of emotions and I believe some have not literal definition. I expect that all of you have gone through the same.

You must have gone through joy on 25 ^thDecember, Satisfaction on 27 ^thDecember, Anxiety on 28 ^thDecember, Anger/Joy on 30 ^thDecember, Hope/despair on 1 ^stJanuary, Bitterness/exhilaration on the following days, confusion and ambiguity over the past month, great reflection currently and a sense of frustration as you watch your TV and listen to the radio.

A common factor is that WE all are “ FEELING ” something. I have been through all that and continue to do so even now. I have also blamed others, blamed our leaders and blamed anyone whose political opinion may have differed with mine. Yet, when you study leadership, you will note that leaders are a reflection of their follower. I have done a 360 degree turn around and pointed at “I”. Perhaps, blaming “me” is also a reflection of something missing.

What does it truly mean to be a Kenyan? Why would neighbors turn against one another? While many of us, publicly or privately have numerous explanations as to why we are in this current quagmire, we must ask ourselves some fundamental questions :

How can nation that is 80% Christian , over 15% Muslim and 5% other , turn against itself like this? Do we truly practice our beliefs and confess the faith or it window dressing?
Do leaders that we elect truly represent our ethos or their egos ?
The fact that certain individuals present themselves as leaders are they the only ones available or can we select from other sources?
Is there anyone who has no flaw ? And if so, have we learnt the art of forgiveness?

I certainly do not have answers to these questions but often reflect on them. Why? Because at some point of my life my THREE year old son will want to know what my role was in this entire predicament we find ourselves. At that time, I hope He and his siblings shall be judged by the content of their character rather than by their name or ethnic background.

Which brings be to my pains : By now you have figured out my name for this purpose : Mwangi, whose best man during my wedding happened to be a mwangi married who is married to a lovely Luo lady, whom I grew up with in my childhood days and to date our families remain best of friends. My wife’s best mate was her longtime school friend, who also is Luo and Godmother to my son. My high school friends come from all the corners of this country. Those who provide essential services and goods to me are from our rich cultural diversity. My grandmother is Maasai, my father Dutch (albeit in my school days I would be asked to explain why I am not “white”), my cousin is married into the Kalejin community as my aunt to the Kamba and yet another aunt to an Indian. My Singh friends from high school married our Kamba and Meru sisters…and the list goes on.

And some how at this rather anxious times, we are “expect” to dissociate ourselves from “the others”! WE CANNOT! WE SHOULD NOT! WE MUST NOT! I certainly cannot. In each community I shall find I have what we call “athoniwa” (in-laws).

To each of these “athoniwa” there are flaws. Hence my joy when our administrator at KeNAAM, herself a daughter of mixed heritage, sent me the above power point. Like the cracked pot, we continue to water the “flowers of diversity”, a rich cultural heritage, just happy to be human.

Let us strive to heal this nation from whatever seats we occupy. It not easy, it is painful, but heal, we must! If you truly know in your heart that you feel offended and hurt by the current situation and there’s temptation to attribute through generalization and rationalization to some other perceived community behavior, walk to persons from that community and HUG THEM ! It will ease both your guilt and latent anger while restoring the humanness in you.

Peace begins in our hearts, then our homes, just like this chaos began in our hearts and homes : When we receive sms/emails/messages with stereotypical hate literature and obscene language…many of us were tempted to share them not knowing what seeds we were sowing. When we say “ nice ” things in public to each other and then in the privacy of our homes say the very opposite, we were sowing seeds of future conflict. Especially when our children pick these contradictions in our seating rooms.

We are all angry , there are no winners in this precarious game , we are all losers . We have lost our confidence to relate with one another, we have lost our confidence to trust one another, we have lost our image as an island of peace, and we have lost income in this nation and most upsetting WE HAVE LOST LIVES, most innocent.

Personally, I have lost friends in Eldoret . In Kibera, the lady who helps us at home lost her 13 year girl in skirmishes. In Narok where I have part heritage, we have witnessed persons from my other heritage displaced. My friends from Kisii residing in certain parts of this country have been given notice to move.

HOW CAN THIS TRULY BENEFIT US?

I am reminded of a person who somewhere in Europe at some time around the second world war (not really sure of time) remarked : When they started with the killings, it only affected “them”, those who were far away, then it came to Jews and I did not say anything, then it was my neighbors and I was still quiet when suddenly, there was no one left, but me…they were coming for me!

Do not seat in the comfort of your home and saying it is just them! Soon it will be the neighbors and before long it is us! The best defence in anything is to seek peace for all.

YOU ARE A LEADER ON YOUR OWN RIGHT! YOUR ACTIONS WILL INFORM OTHERS AND GIVE THEM HOPE! DO SOMETHING…we are not all made to do the same thing BUT IN THIS INSTANCE through our diverse talents, we MUST seek PEACE for our people.

HUG someone, FORGIVE Someone (even when you watch the news or listen to the radio)…forgive 70 times 70 times 70 times…its hard for us, its harder for those who have lost loved ones, but we must. And when history judges us, let it be on record, you sought peace! FORGIVE YOURSELF!

time to stand

2008-01-18T00:46:00.000-08:00

You must have been living in a hole for you not to know of what is happening in Kenya. On December 2007 we had a peaceful and civil election. Unfortunately for us our hands were tied behind our backs by our location in the UK, Asia, US, Australia and other parts of the world. But that was ok, we had our mothers our fathers brothers cousins sisters uncles aunties.. ||yeah we Kenyans have big families big families|| who went out in large numbers to represent us at the ballot. We followed the news through Daily Nation and the EA Standard and Nation Media servers crept to a crawl due to the number of hits by us living outside Kenya wanting to keep up with the results of the elections. Some of us who had never heard of Jump TV heard if for the first time in December 2007 ||yeah it shows live KBC|| Then came the media back out and then the news of the violence.

Homes and churches were burnt shops were looted people were displaced. It is sometimes difficult to imagine this is the Kenya we left behind, it looked more like one of our war torn neighboring countries. As we watched in relative safety through the internet and made calls to our families ||and some of us had not done this in a long time|| we learnt that most of them emerged unscathed....

pause....

If you are reading this and you lost a loved one in the post election violence I offer you my condolences.

We are still reeling from the election aftermath that was brought about by our leader's greed and irresponsibility.

Peace is beginning to come back to Kenya being as we were always a peaceful people and We wait to see the effects the unrest is going to have on the Kenyan economy.

If there is any good thing that came out of the election violence is that it united the Kenyans in the diaspora. As you read this from whichever part of the world you are living in right now I am sure that there is something being done in your area. Here in the US, walks being are being organized in the East Coast in DC to help raise awareness in the West Coast in Sacramento an huge event is being organized to raise funds for the people who were displaced.

If you have not gotten a chance to do anything and are feeling helpless being so far away, do not settle, do not ignore because the problem is still there and there is still something that you can do. This are not the elections where the only power you had to effect change was to try and convince your relatives and friends on which candidate to vote for, now you can actually make a difference. The rest of Kenya is still nursing its wounds and so we cannot expect it to do much, but We who watched the turn of events through the relative safety of the powerful internet and can now in turn harness this power to feed the displaced now living in jamhuri grounds. Just click on the link and it will take you to the website. This people are on the ground and are making a difference. Let us support them. Forward this email to all the people that you know and let us stand together and make a difference.

http://www.lightindarkness.org/outreach/

edge(modify)

2007-11-09T14:27:00.000-08:00

it is another day again.

not just another

success reeks in the air

i just did it, just about to do it

i can feel myself getting lighter,

the knife getting sharper..

the sharp could not split everything

but now

nothing can come in its path..

focused, sharp.. unstoppable.. the sky is the limit..

i can smell something

something that needs to be cut

need to ready the edge

coz i know that it will sharpen it too

i was not using the cutting edge, but now it is sharp

mango juice

2007-07-20T23:56:00.000-07:00

you know, that expression that God loves me, i do not feel it more than i am feeling it today. i am writing this post from my laptop. i would have done it from my new htc hermes, but it feels more exiting to use laptop. And now in retrospect, I can even laugh at what happened this morning.

I woke up really hungry, I mean 7 hours without food, i am a growing boy and i need my carbohydrates. So there was me ,in this homely picture of me looking over at sanjosegigs.com very exited at this site that is going to be the window to my next job, two slices of wheat bread(no margarine) on one hand, a glass of mango juice on the other, and with the other 4 fingers i was pushing buttons on the keyboard, peering at the screen.

Then it happened. There was this line from the printer that had kept on interrupting my keyboard movement from the hand with the mango juice, damn that juice was sweet… Then in a very bad dream like fashion, you know the kind where it is very dark and cloudy, with lightning flashing in the grey background, music playing from an organ, the printers USB line tripped my hand movement and in fuzzy vision I remember seeing half my glass empty the yellow liquid on my laptops keyboard.

I sat there for two minutes. For those two minutes I just looked. No thought whatsoever went through my mind, I think I was waiting to hit the floor, like I normally do when I have a bad dream and fall out of bed. Well, I never woke up.. When my brain finally kicked in and realized that there was no hard floor to rescue me, I did what one engineer had once told me. He had told me that if I was to ever get water on an electronic device, I as to completely turn it off and remove it from power and remove the battery if it had one. I was then to let it dry completely, even if it meant not using it for a couple of days, after the dry treatment the said device was to function just fine. He gave me this advice after I had called him about our TV. My mum had spilt water through the cooling vents during world cup season. As wise as she is she had then proceeded to turn on the Tv to see whether it worked... she told us only smoke came out, the TV did not even come on. That weekend she was not the most popular person with us. The advice from the engineer came a little bit late for our TV but I remembered and used it quite a number of times... and in all those times up to the second last one where my phone dropped into a pitcher full of water, non of them worked. I remember my K750 screen going white and I lost half of my contacts.

Back to today. After the realization that this was the real thing and seeing that i was not dreaming in any way, my brain kicked into high gear. the two cell phones that i had been unable to save had given me enough practice to know what to do . Immediately reached for the power button. Once off I went and grabbed a few paper towels, two trips back to the paper towel roll in the kitchen, I realized that i probably needed the whole roll. in the end i just tilted the computer on its side and then just let the yellow juice pour onto the table... #i shudder just to think of it#

long story, but eventually I but had to leave the house to go to work. I left the computer in front of a HVC(high velocity fan) eight hours later and i am typing my blog from its keyboard.. I guess Compaq's are really built to last. There is still little stickiness when I type from the sugar but other than that and the comp smelling like sweet mango, there is nothing wrong with it...

Empting your glass of juice on a one year old comp, that is has been supped up with just about everything is not one of the brightest things to do..... again i say GOD LOVES ME!!!!!! lemme leave now and so that i can go play with my new htc hermes.

note to self: when you are working on the laptop do not have any food or drinks around

celeb

2007-07-13T23:42:00.000-07:00

some of the perks of working as a security guard, my new site is really cool. i am getting to see how the rich live and how they spend their money. something i am learning, most of all they are human and most of them have a very highly developed interpersonal skills. i have not yet seen any faces i recognize but expect to see a couple of familiar faces this weekend.

i had no idea that this place existed till the office called and told me about this gig that where i could earn myself some good money. Today I told the other guys in the van (quite a comfortable one if i should add, baby's mama is going to get one of this) as we were driving back that not too far in the future i am going to drive myself those curvy roads in one of this to the gate and show them my membership card..

tomorrow no work, there is this little test i have to sit for.. i will take English 1B for spring sem. all the other courses will remain the same.. i still don't have a place to say. i called Nate today and she sent me a few links from craigslist. one place i had we had already seen with my mum last week. the other place i will check out after i am done with the test.. my mum is not around this weekend so i will be doing this alone.

eager as i was to get home today, the phone has not yet gotten here. 2 day mail is 2 day mail, fedex promised!!! I failed to print the online receipt so i am not sure how i am going to get my rebate. i talked to Phil today morning so i am hoping he signed for it. i will check on him in the morning.. scratch that, evening. i will be leaving this place at 7am and i don't want any distractions. it is a good thing i did not get the phone tonight or it will be like that time i got the k750.. so tomorrow night, i cant hardly wait, but tonight i will go through the WST and make sure that I set to pass……

me

2007-07-12T11:40:00.001-07:00

Five minutes

that's all that available

turn on the iron

press the shoe

Me has very far to go

Ti’s time to do it all over again

Me has burst forth never to go back again

Two days before know

Anxiety flowed

during training

the impression did not stamp

But yesterday a new leaf,

Like the one that fell when that plane was boarded

A leaf green with life

Contoured with valleys of optism….

The bird robin chirped it references.

but the truth is, one day before know

It felt like a mould had been dropped on

Crushing and shaping

Bursting from the seams; me came forth

that is what everybody sees when they take time to listen

I saw it once on paper

Newness reveals one true self

If that is gospel then the label is character

First time there was on this stage, a mirror stood before

The theater was located in South C

Bursting forth he came

And turned on Technicolor in the other them-s

That hang around to see what me would do.

So me is back

a smile face forms;

when in feel heart pushing him thro the veins,

throbing with dexterity

I can see him every time I get to peer

at any event that is not like the one last week

at them-s faces

I will make him stay

He will stay…….

I like the way

When them-s look and the see

And yell at him ‘see ya tommorow’ when me leaves

They cannot tell who it is

What me is just about to do

What me is going to do

Because me is going to do it

like no other them has ever done it

me’s five minutes are up

time to turn on the iron

internet

2007-07-10T22:39:00.001-07:00

this is a good day, birds are singing, the sun is up.. tommorow basketball, then i hit the mall, i need to get myself some clothes………..

it is almost 3 o clock again.. i slept untill 12pm, then i woke up and started watching tv.. for two hours, now the day is over.. reason i slept so late!! i was on the internet…

reason i did not get anything done, i was on the internet.. so this week i am going to monitor how much time i spend on the internet doing what!! i am wasting alot of time there……

ORGANIZED THOUGHT ..

patrotism

2007-07-05T22:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was forth of July, in my neighborhood it was a big deal. Three day ago while at work I met this African American who was from LA, he described my county as being 'country'. I would not exactly describe it as being country although it is marketed as wine country.. It is more rural urban.. So anyway the fact that we fall in the 'country category, 4 of july is really a big deal. I live in apartments in the outskirts of the city and yesterday it looked like all the residents had taken time off.. I have never seen all of them at home like that, it has always seemed to me that they are always somewhere pursuing money

One of my neighbors from down stairs, one Californian born Californian bread white man of about 70something decided to throw a barbeque party. He tries very hard to keep social with me, in fact at one time my ol'lady got worried that he may be in fact a child molester…. I actually burst out laughing considering how not a child I am.. Plus he is somewhat cool, he drives a 1950 something el Camino. One time when he was replacing his battery, I got to look at his trucks engine and saw he had put in a HOT ROD air filter.. Really cool...So I was invited to the party although I did not attend, that day I was not in the mood to hang out with the drunk neighbors.

I had noticed earlier in the day he had hung an American flag from our balcony, you know just like the average patriot he is.. During the barbeque they kept on talking about the American revolution, they were making a hell lot of noise and I would hear them talking about the American revolution.. During the day he played the Kenyan cd I had given him. It was really cool to hear one of my neighbours, some chic who work s for the company that owns our apartments saying that she wanted to get the sana sana track for her ipod.. It got me thinking of how good some Kenyan merchandise is and how and how they would have a huge market outside Kenya…

Well, I am moving in a few weeks, I have to do some planning.. And that means me getting off the internet..

in the wallet

2007-03-14T03:59:00.000-07:00

when i was in my first year of university,in Main.. in my clic, my entourage, my boyz.. some discussion on sex came up and a pal of mine showed me his wallet.. something that i had never had done before( i don’t know if i was a late bloomer or wat.. i waited til i got to university!!???) he kept a condom in his wallet.. he told me that he always made sure that his wallet was stocked, just in case something happened.. just alittle bit later a discussion started among my boyz on which they rated condoms… there was a far way mention of the green Durex being a better condom than the blue Durex, but by then my mind had taken off and was busy scheming

that evening on my way home, i entered nakumatt downtown and at the counter got my self a pack of 3 condoms, of the green Durex brand.. i realised how expensive the Durex brand was after the lady behind cash register had already scanned the pack and my soda and the price loudly announced in green numerals on the cash register. i would have returned the Durex for the cheaper Trust,had it not been for the behind the register had already eying me in ‘that way’. i had this image in my mind of her starting to give me council on the importance of safe sex right there in front of everybody, rush hour everybody was in there trying to buy bread and milk for the next days breakfast. so i paid getting back bearly enough change to pay for the bus ride home

a boy can dream

the reason i bought the condoms was not because i had a regular screw, aka a gal…. no.. i had a dream that one day i would not become a virgin.. i was 18 at that time.. most of my friends had stories to tell and i had non that were actually based on reality.. so i bought the condom and dreamt of that day.. i had watched enough ‘movies’(research) to know which hole was which when the time came, but i was a really shy guy.. very very shy.. today gals tell me of the opportunities that i left pass me and i kick myself.. at that particular point and time, my mind could not just fathom how a male could go about the act of actually convincing a female to get under the covers(back seat, behind that building etc etc..) and commit the act.. to me it appeared that it was somehow a random act.. you know, it could befall any male at any moment as long as you were over 18.. and so i bought pack of 3, put one in my wallet and waited for my
turn to come..

7months later and still nothing..

i remember i was cleaning my wallet one day and found the condom. i began looking at that condom, (how the packaging was done, making sure that it was not past its expiry date.. etc etc) several months before when i had put it there, it had looked all nice and expensive. i remembered how back then i would have loved to show a gal that i was screwing her using the green Durex.. i thought it would have really impressed her…a Durex.. i mean it cost 8times more than the cost of a Trust… now it had become old, after being in a wallet that i sat on for all those months.. that day i gave up on random theory and tossed it without ever using it..

later, much much later, after i dropped my good boy and actually getting laid i did regret that deed. tossing a very good expensive unused condom. i had run out of condoms after having a very productive night.. that night i did something i had sworn i would never to do… have unprotected sex.. but through God, i did get away unscathed, my gal had to take morning after pills that day i swore that i will never make a girl go through that ordeal again.. and after several months of me loosing it, and getting the craziness out of me, i came back to my senses and became normal self.

so today my wallet is without a condom, rather it is filled with numerous id cards and membership cards.

enough of this i need to finish some assignments

the deep blue

2007-01-23T17:12:00.000-08:00

……………potential………………

that is a mighty big word, POTENTIAL. i believe that i am capable of anything.. totally anything. that right now i can decide to go to the roof of pacific theaters(imagine i live next to a movie theater, tallest building for miles around) and jump.. yes jump, the concequences would be alittle nasty but i can do it. i could also leave the house right now. i have like $150 in my credit card and 500 in debit. that is enought to fill my tank almost 20 times(gas has become cheap, it now costs 14 bucks to full up my beautifull rusty old car). with that much gas i know i can drive far enough to get out of california state.. yet i choose not to.. POTENTIAL. i read somewhere that i cannot even begin to comprehend what i am capable of. i was pondering about it and saw how such a big sea it is.. not such a bad metaphor.. deep blue sea, with untouchable depths, with creatures and abstracts that would put piccaso to shame. vast voidness that is paradoxically full of unimaginables. the deep blue. so deep that it does not feel the great liners lying on top of it. so blue that it keeps the land from bursting to flames, so deep that it hides those… those things which at a glance remind me that i am not THE occupant, but just another creature, a creature that ganged up with other similar creatures and placed ourselves in a position to kill and distroy the other occupants of this earth.. my POTENTIAL.. or is it a small lake, one that is seasonal, annoying little swamp that only shows up when the rain is pouring, along with the mosquitos never leave their baggage deseases. that lake that dries up when the sun stares at it long and hard; as if in a game waiting to see who will blink first… i call them problems. the once fresh water mountain lake. that was fed by little trickes from the peaks when the rain poured and turned into a beautiful white mass once every year. at least that is how it apeared, naturing life in it, under the solid, still further past the freezing water. someone stil hoped, knowing that change is inevitable, just like the sun rising tommorow. but now ….. my POTENTIAL

lovable

2007-01-21T16:26:00.000-08:00

we ultimately judge ourselves as lovable by amount of love we recieve from others (calls sms emails presents inviations... anything to that shows you that someone remembers that you stil exist on this planet). we know we are lovable by how we how show love to others and how other people repond and in turn, show us love.

so it realy realy sucks when you go out and do something.. something that that is going to better you (because every experience is a good experience, the outcome doesnt matter, but what you learnt from it), but somehow you end up hurting someother persons feelings. and because after the other person gets hurt, they take away their love...

end result you start seing yourself as unlovable..

remedy:

i have always felt that ultimately along the way of life, an individual must stand up and be counted and be willing to face the consequences whatever they are. if he is filled with fear, he can not do it. my greatest prayer is always? God to save me fear because when a person lives with fear of the consequences of his personal life, he can never do anything in terms of lifting the whole of humanity and solving many of the social problems which confront every age and generation

martin luther king

universe

2007-01-12T18:46:00.000-08:00

if i decided to and master physics really well, such that i understood the nature of matter. i would come to discover that the atom i mostly composed of space..... SPACE.....? with a few particles orbiting it at speeds of light...
space filled atoms in diffrent forms making up the elements. these elements combining and form what you see as me talking to you..?

ok, it is easier to understand me, much more esier than it is to understand what makes me..

so say i decicated a large portion of my life trying to master me, practising Zen and those other things that would enable me to know what made me tick remove the limits of my boundaries, such that i would have the keys to allow myself to conquer the world, i would die one day, and turn to dust that forms the earth

say I dedicated I life to try understand the earth, such that I left something named after me... a legacy, like einstein, or newton, or rockafella...? such that i was able to manupulate ME to bring myself riches and power to control, after i died and as my whole generation passed away, my name would slowly be forgotten then hardly be mentioned.
someone elsewhere will come up with something bigger worth remembering than what i did..

let us say that i even choose to take on the solar system, so that my name is rememered for a longer period of time, what about the universe, with its billions of stars, what about the other universes....... why was i placed on this earth!