the deep blue

……………potential………………

that is a mighty big word, POTENTIAL. i believe that i am capable of anything.. totally anything. that right now i can decide to go to the roof of pacific theaters(imagine i live next to a movie theater, tallest building for miles around) and jump.. yes jump, the concequences would be alittle nasty but i can do it. i could also leave the house right now. i have like $150 in my credit card and 500 in debit. that is enought to fill my tank almost 20 times(gas has become cheap, it now costs 14 bucks to full up my beautifull rusty old car). with that much gas i know i can drive far enough to get out of california state.. yet i choose not to.. POTENTIAL. i read somewhere that i cannot even begin to comprehend what i am capable of. i was pondering about it and saw how such a big sea it is.. not such a bad metaphor.. deep blue sea, with untouchable depths, with creatures and abstracts that would put piccaso to shame. vast voidness that is paradoxically full of unimaginables. the deep blue. so deep that it does not feel the great liners lying on top of it. so blue that it keeps the land from bursting to flames, so deep that it hides those… those things which at a glance remind me that i am not THE occupant, but just another creature, a creature that ganged up with other similar creatures and placed ourselves in a position to kill and distroy the other occupants of this earth.. my POTENTIAL.. or is it a small lake, one that is seasonal, annoying little swamp that only shows up when the rain is pouring, along with the mosquitos never leave their baggage deseases. that lake that dries up when the sun stares at it long and hard; as if in a game waiting to see who will blink first… i call them problems. the once fresh water mountain lake. that was fed by little trickes from the peaks when the rain poured and turned into a beautiful white mass once every year. at least that is how it apeared, naturing life in it, under the solid, still further past the freezing water. someone stil hoped, knowing that change is inevitable, just like the sun rising tommorow. but now ….. my POTENTIAL